“Your relationships can only be as healthy as you are.”

~ Neil Clark Warren

On the surface, Warren’s quote only applies to personal relationships, but it can be more than that. Relationships exist in various forms. Each of us has unique relationships with people, food, work, and, of course, money. But until you have a healthy relationship with yourself and others, you cannot have a healthy relationship with money.

Life works best when you are physically, emotionally, relationally, and spiritually healthy. You are content and grateful, and you feel like you can conquer the world. Your identity and worth are grounded. You are safe, secure, and strong. On the other hand, when you are physically, emotionally, relationally, and spiritually unhealthy, you find ways – often negative – to compensate. You become insecure and anxious, and you may start to compare yourself to others. Toxic emotions like envy, jealousy, and discontent can hijack you. You may cope by spending money. Dave Ramsey says, “We buy things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people we don’t like.” This quote is simultaneously hilarious and not funny at all. Unfortunately, it’s more true-to-life than not.

Money is nothing more than a resource and a tool. It only becomes a problem when it’s weaponized or idealized. If you treat money in these problematic ways, you will become unhealthy. It is essential to understand that it is not money itself that is evil. It’s the love of money that poses moral and spiritual dangers. From the Bible, 1 Timothy 6:10: “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.”

Healthy relationships do not just happen. They are developed with intention. When you plan, you tell yourself how to spend your precious hours. When you budget, you tell yourself how to spend your money. You own your decisions.

Monitor your daily relationship with money, like you would your blood pressure, calories, and steps. Budget monthly. Practice annual financial planning and goal setting. Try collaborating with a financial advisor or a financial coach because self-diagnoses has its limits. You will go further with an experienced guide.

I recently started reading Morgan Housel’s The Psychology of Money. It is an interesting read about how cognitive, social, cultural, and emotional factors influence people’s financial decisions. Housel recognizes that personal finances are complex and impact emotions and behaviors and he reminds us that, “People do some crazy things with money. But no one is crazy.”

After more than 30 years of working in banking and financial planning, I have witnessed the importance of having a healthy relationship with money. I have seen the goodness money provides and the pain it causes. As you start your path to financial freedom, it is crucial that you know the health of your relationship with money. This knowledge will help you move in the right direction and know when you have arrived and accomplished your goals.

Dare to dream again!